(D8 MA, Mando Safehouse) Standing on her own tw-one foot!

[Varina Ordo]

With all her business taken care of, Varina returned to her temporary abode on this stinking planet. She kept most of what she'd brought with her back to the Enclave in her backpack. The rifle, at the very least, was stuffed away in a safe spot.

Hopefully her mom hadn't come back to get it. Stealing it again would be much more difficult. I never did call her back about the whole leg thing... Well it'll save her the credits since it's going to be okay. She shook her head and went to the rifle's hiding spot.

[Meiyokashi]

When Varina entered the hideout there was a distinct feeling of not being alone, and in fact when she looked around the initial space she saw her mothers helmet resting atop one of the surfaces available, the marks on the helm being distinctive.

[Varina Ordo]

Ah no, no, no. Varina tried to be as quiet as possible with her crutches as she made a complete U-Turn.

[Reibelle Ordo]

An air of hesitation, "You don't need to run," she says, coming out from the hall behind the kitchenette in the room, and stepping over toward the couch. Turning a small ball over in her hand as she examined it closer.

"I came looking for you. But- I won't stop you."

[Varina Ordo]

Varina froze. After a few seconds, she looked back sheepishly and turned around. "That's a first," she said, her embarrassed look turning to a condemnatory one. "What do you want? What's that anyways?"

[Reibelle Ordo]

"It is.." she says, her tone steeled but pained in a way that is old, and in a manner which this conversation would likely never be able to shift.

"To talk.. or to try, at least. You came so far, I would- I shouldn't- I don't know what you hoped to find here, but I doubt it was what you expected."

[Varina Ordo]

The teen bit her lip and then moved towards the couch. She dumped the bag off of her shoulders, all the while most certainly not receptive to the idea of receiving help. Afterwards, she plopped down and rotated her arms; carrying all of that while imprinting the crutches into her armpits hadn't been the most comfortable.

As for her questions... it'd been such a long time since she started that she wasn't sure anymore. Not just on Bellionas but on Kamda too. All the while, she'd hoped to find her mom.

And then she punched her. "I mean, I obviously was looking for you. That and, well, after Raven's husband got stabbed, I had to stay. I probably would have ditched dad if she sent me a message about that." She'd at least sent him a message saying that she was safe, relatively at least, but to not come along due to the whole violent situation.

Definitely didn't mention the leg thing to her dad. "I only stayed because of Raven, by the way." She didn't know if that was exactly true but it felt right to say.

[Reibelle Ordo]

"Rezz woulda been disappointed.. she," she smirks, but even that turns mournful in its way. "I asked after you, but she's tightlipped. Wouldn't say a thing she didn't already know I knew. There's a.. loyalty there," she shakes her head, returning to the topic.

"I wouldn't have expected you to stay if it was for me or any other. I left, made my choice. I had hoped it would be for the best back then but.. it's hard to know once you've committed," she looks up, giving a shrug. "I was surprised you showed up at all that day."

[Varina Ordo]

"I don't know what I did to earn that loyalty," Varina said honestly. "She just kind of took a liking to me." Her eyes narrowed; was this another potential suitor situation? Whatever happened to that one lady who'd even started this whole train of thought in its fullest?

She wasn't going to ask her mom about such things though. Gross. "I mean, it wouldn't have been a surprise if I could have sent you a message or something. 'Hey mom, want to grab lunch at the local bistro?' Never really got to do that." Varina leaned back and stared at the ceiling. "Guess I'm lucky you're alive though. I run into a fair share of orphans... lot of that in this galaxy."

[Reibelle Ordo]

"Don't think she waits long to decide most things- jostled around when she was younger, one parent to the next," she comments idly before letting it drop. Leaning onto the back of the couch she looks over Varina a moment, taking in the sight of her and just sitting with it for a moment.

"A lot more now with the Empire, I'm afraid.." she comments but there's a distance to her tone with the words, shaking her head she recommits. "I tried to be something I wasn't.. for years, but- I couldn't. I couldn't give more time, not any longer than I already spent on trying to be a mother. I wasn't.. I'm sorry my choice harmed you, robbed you of a parent you should have had. For whatever the words are worth to you."

[Varina Ordo]

"Guess we're alike in that way, huh?" Varina didn't bother looking up to her mom. She was way past that sort of behavior.

And she definitely couldn't stand to look at her mom during her explanation. She kept her eyes forward, not focused on anything in particular. "You could have taken me with you," she said. "Then at least I'd have had a choice to go back to dad if I wanted to."

[Reibelle Ordo]

"I was struggling as it was.." she drifts on the thought, placing a hand on her hip as a rest while the other found support on the back of the couch. "I couldn't raise you alongside your father let alone without him. Children are.. messy little things with lots of questions that I- could never manage to answer even half."

"I had hoped he would take good care of you and you'd grow without needing me. Had I stayed.. I would have just disappointed you in some other way."

[Varina Ordo]

"So I was a nuisance," Varina said. "Dead weight. Guess I'm used to that." She looked at her leg and then shook her head.

"What do you mean 'some other way?' That doesn't really make sense." She closed her eyes, thinking of her father. "He did well enough. I think someone else would have been a better daughter for him.'

[Reibelle Ordo]

"You were.. difficult but not because you did anything wrong. I didn't know how to raise a child and I still have no idea, clearly," she says, looking to Varina's cheek where she'd punched her all those days ago. There was a glimmer of some other emotion to her eye but it flashed away quickly as it came on. "I'd hoped if I just left that you could move on without me. When you showed up I thought- I thought you might have wanted to find a villain? So, I tried to give you what you want but-" she looks away, grimacing.

[Varina Ordo]

Varina looked over, her lips quivering as she mulled over what to say. Her mother's words barely even seemed real. "Why would I want you to be a villain?" she muttered. It disturbed herself. It wasn't like her to be so unconfident. "Why would you even think that?"

She clenched her fists. "You succeeded, though, in the eyes of someone who just wanted to be good enough."

[Reibelle Ordo]

"Varina.." she said, her voice low- pained. Leaning against the couch to cross both of her hands into her lap, looking down a moment. Back to Varina, matching gazes, a steel to her voice, "You were always more than I would have ever wanted in a child, you were always good enough. I was just the one that wasn't good enough. I had a choice, stay with you and live out my days yearning for the life I could have lived and maybe make a horrible parent in my time to as well, or.. I could have left. Leaving with the hope that you would manage just as well without me so that I could pursue the life I wished to lead."

"It was a selfish choice, and it is one I know I would make again. So.. I thought I would do you a favor by being the villain. People are hard.. they're always having all these parts but a villain is easy, they're simple. All you have to do is hate a villain and move on. I could shoulder that."

[Varina Ordo]

When her mother looked at her, she couldn't manage maintaining eye contact. It wasn't that she was intimidated. She'd stared down so many other people before. It just felt wrong, same as her words. "You don't get it," Varina said through the lump in her throat. "You really don't get it. If I was better, if I'd been good enough, then you'd stay."

She shut her eyes. "You're not even going to stay now. Maybe if I'd kept punching you, then you'd have some sense knocked into you. You'd see how strong I am. Or, well, how strong I tried to be." Her eyes opened again, this time focused on her limp leg. "But right now I'm useless. Because of my failures, I got myself hurt. And I don't even know if I'll be healed when it's time to go after Carid."

[Reibelle Ordo]

"You're right," she says after a brief pause for thought, putting both hands down on the edge of the couch before pushing off and stepping toward Varina. Walking over so that she was close, "I won't stay now. I'll continue to live as I've always seen fit, and there's nothing you could do, or could've done to stop that. Not when you were younger, and not now either."

"You aided a friend in combat. You're hurt, that's life. Just because you're hurt doesn't mean your useless. Choosing to be useless is what makes you useless. Don't wanna be? Pick yourself up again and keep moving."

[Varina Ordo]

It didn't really matter what her mother said after she confirmed what Varina already knew. The teen slumped back in the couch, her face twisted by an unintentional frown. Her eyes were closed but some tears managed to flow down her cheeks. "I guess I'll go tell dad," she said, a bit breathy.

Two dreams had died so soon together. She'd deluded herself into thinking she could have that ordinary family and an ordinary life where she'd somehow gone through a lifetime of combat unscathed. Which was stupider to believe in?

Varina massaged her dead leg. "There has to be some other way. It's a big galaxy, with countless worlds."

[Reibelle Ordo]

"Varina.." she walks over to her, kneeling in front of her daughter. Careful enough as she did so to try and not break anything in the small space. Looking to her with an attempt to catch her gaze and ask as earnestly as possible, "What do you really want Varina?"